Its a mad world

so I'm late in posting this time. The outlook from my window is grey and wet and having sat a while I'm now chilly enough to put the heating on but I'll refrain.

Our son completed his last horse riding session a week ago Monday  and as a result has had two weeks in lessons full time. The complications continue and with it my frame of mind. I appreciate they say when you have kids it doesn't come with a manual but when there are other issues adding to the mix you end up feeling completely incompetent at dealing with what presents itself. Lump that together with teaching staff that don't seem to have any experience of Autism or any other issues and it makes for a tennis match where i am the ball. Looking back you do wonder how you are supposed to be doing what's best for your child when the idea of putting a label on him is so frowned upon, we were once told that, he'll carry it into his next school and into a job in later life, so the alternatives is that we don't recognise there might be an issue and he doesn't finish school due to the issues it presents and then can't get a job!

Autism, assuming that is what is happening here is such a complex thing. Like each of us the issues that come up for each person vary, even understanding those issues takes time, and to seperate something that might just be part of a persons personality from being an underlying trate is even harder never mind if their a teenager with raging hormones etc. So being aware of personal space has been a big issue for as long as i remember, when our son was young and in nursery he would hug other children and possibly certain teachers, personally i thought this was sweet. Now as an almost teen having close contact is not something everyone is happy with, infact quite the opposite, even i have frowned on occasions over who our son would hug. In the process of going about his lessons our son is known to stop and chat, poke, prod or other chosen words other children, even kick and try an hit others, apparently not always for any obvious reason, or so I'm led to believe. I do not wear any rose tinted glasses so please don't get me wrong when i doubt these things it's just that i am not there so all i know is what i hear. School dont' wish to segregate him from his peers for example when i suggested he not sit through an hour long assembly and fidget, talk, etc but instead, as a consequence for his actions he has sat in detentions, red room, IIU and spent three weeks in re-focus to allow him time away and allow them time to make observations and give him tools to help him, hmmmm
So the feedback since going back into lessons is that nothing has changed, so i asked did you really expect anything to change, the same stuff happens in the same environment how is that gonna change.
So the latest strategy is to seat him on his own, for his safety and that of others. That doesn't make him stand out from the class does it, make him look like a special case.

I've sat and cried this morning and questioned my own state of mind. Like the glass half full/half empty. My husband worries that our son will stay living with us perhaps beyond what we all assume, he worries that he may not get a job etc and he is a fixer, i hate feeling helpless. My fix atm would be to remove him from school, take him out of the equation and away from the things that contribute to whatever is going on with him whether that be AS/ ADHD/PDA or all of those. We love him, he is our child and we will always look out for him but schools job is to educate him and that is maybe something they need too, or is that a step too far?

Top of the morning

So here i am sat at the laptop at a much earlier time than normal so the outlook is currently middle of the road, yesterday afternoon i saw some lovely sunshine streaming in through the windows so i'm hoping for more later.

Today we're gonna be blagging it. Our son is home feeling under the weather. Yesterday he mentioned having a 'funny' tummy but i sent him in as i didn't see any signs of it in the run up to leaving, in the afternoon he was messaging me saying how un-sympathetic the staff were being almost being the opposite if anything which of course just made the situation worse with our son getting wound up and frustrated. He has a sore eye too, not sure if it's something we need something for so a trip to the chemist today as it seems that's now the thing to do before you call the doctors and see if we can help clear that up, he's still sleeping so that's good.

This week he went horse riding and actually got on a horse, I'm not clear if he was led round on it but he was chuffed to have got on one which i think is something we'd all have reservations about. I have had a couple of horse riding lessons but never went any further with it as the friend i went with stopped, well atleast i think that's what happened.

Our son is still in 'Re-Focus' he has spent more days than not telling me he doesn't want to go to school than ever before which doesn't bode well and 'if' having ADHD is a factor the inconsistencies at school won't be helping any. There was a time when i suggested keeping him out of assemblies especially when it's long as asking any child to sit for up to an hour is a big ask but when talking and fidgeting is a factor it's less than ideal but the response was 'no we don't want to segregate him from his peers' but the consequences at school do just that and whilst I'm trying to see 'Re-Focus' as being helpful rather than punishment he is still working in a hut which was flooded on Monday with possibly two other kids, no outside time, no fresh air, and a distinct lack of social time (which of course comes with it's pitfalls). Next week I'm led to believe they will integrate him back into classes, so more change. I have so little knowledge about this but it feels to me that the things they have done so far are not helping at all. We have a meeting next week so we'll see what gets said but i feel i need to start saying what I'm feeling rather than sitting and listening after all whilst we can't speed up the process of him being assessed i can push for more constructive help......

Snow Day

ADHD

We're looking for an answer,
to explain what we see.
Does anyone actually want,
To help me?

I see the signs.
Do you see them too?
Are they like me?
Or maybe like you?

Following directions.
This way and that.
We can't help you,
we rely on this and that.

When did this happen?
How did it start?
Was it there at the beginning,
always a part?

Hidden behind it,
is a boy we once once knew.
We were one in the same,
Then became two.

We're fighting your corner.
We are always there for you.
Trying to follow the signs
That lead back to you.

So this week's post consists of my thoughts in the form of a poem, can you relate?