So here i am sat at the laptop at a much earlier time than normal so the outlook is currently middle of the road, yesterday afternoon i saw some lovely sunshine streaming in through the windows so i'm hoping for more later.
Today we're gonna be blagging it. Our son is home feeling under the weather. Yesterday he mentioned having a 'funny' tummy but i sent him in as i didn't see any signs of it in the run up to leaving, in the afternoon he was messaging me saying how un-sympathetic the staff were being almost being the opposite if anything which of course just made the situation worse with our son getting wound up and frustrated. He has a sore eye too, not sure if it's something we need something for so a trip to the chemist today as it seems that's now the thing to do before you call the doctors and see if we can help clear that up, he's still sleeping so that's good.
This week he went horse riding and actually got on a horse, I'm not clear if he was led round on it but he was chuffed to have got on one which i think is something we'd all have reservations about. I have had a couple of horse riding lessons but never went any further with it as the friend i went with stopped, well atleast i think that's what happened.
Our son is still in 'Re-Focus' he has spent more days than not telling me he doesn't want to go to school than ever before which doesn't bode well and 'if' having ADHD is a factor the inconsistencies at school won't be helping any. There was a time when i suggested keeping him out of assemblies especially when it's long as asking any child to sit for up to an hour is a big ask but when talking and fidgeting is a factor it's less than ideal but the response was 'no we don't want to segregate him from his peers' but the consequences at school do just that and whilst I'm trying to see 'Re-Focus' as being helpful rather than punishment he is still working in a hut which was flooded on Monday with possibly two other kids, no outside time, no fresh air, and a distinct lack of social time (which of course comes with it's pitfalls). Next week I'm led to believe they will integrate him back into classes, so more change. I have so little knowledge about this but it feels to me that the things they have done so far are not helping at all. We have a meeting next week so we'll see what gets said but i feel i need to start saying what I'm feeling rather than sitting and listening after all whilst we can't speed up the process of him being assessed i can push for more constructive help......
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, 7 March 2018
Monday, 19 February 2018
We made it through another day
so the outlook is dark but with icicle highlights lol. It's later than usual when I'm writing this as its the first day of half term if you don't include the weekend but with that comes problems now that our son has reached an age where we let him go out and meet friends. One thing our son doesn't lack is confidence when sticking up for himself, so far unscathed but as a result where you'd really rather he kept a low profile he'll happily have his say whether verbally or using finger gestures iykwim. So this morning he walked his friend back to her house after she popped down to see him and apparently ran into someone who has become a frequent problem for him particularly at school. It appears that nothing happened bar some verbal stuff and so he came home but was later making arrangements to go into town which involved me walking him up there to be sure he made it to meet his friends and did a couple of jobs whilst there offering for him to walk back with me if there was any 'beef' as it's now referred. The previously mentioned child of course put in an appearance along with another but our son seemed to be taking it in his stride. Eventually when it was apparent that said child was out to wind up our son and possibly threaten to 'Shank' him, beat him up in lamens terms our son hooked up with a friend and neighbour who walked him out to a point where he felt confident to walk home alone. It's a nightmare, knowing how much truth there is in all of this unless your actually there and enlighten him that despite his confidence in thinking that these people won't do anything people do and in all manner of ways. Then you say things like, you just won't be able to go out, or only if we're in town or feel like you might have to have words with a town ranger or security person in order to have them aware of possible problems that might occur etc etc. When our son was small we knew a member of staff at the library as we have spent alot of time in there over the years. I would often say if for any reason we are parted in town go there, they will have contact details and you'll be safe, i have even considered that today too and he's 12 now. It's a nightmare even when your child may not have any additional problems never mind if they do.
So when our son returns to school he will be going into what they call Re-Focus, this means he works away from the main school building, in smaller numbers with more 1/1 help, it will apparently give them more time to observe him whilst he's there. I think there are some plus points to this but it's only for two weeks and then they will pop him back into routine stuff again. To be honest I'm not sure what to make of it but i guess we just have to go along with it for the time being until something else appears to be an option. Said boy, one of is at his school so at least for this week and two others he won't be around quite so much. It's truly exhausting dealing with this stuff and in the mean time 'friend' from this morning has her issues so frequently walks out at home and arrives on our door step. Kids these days do seem to have far more 'stuff' going on than we did at their age.
That's it for now, i may update before next Monday, time permitting....
So when our son returns to school he will be going into what they call Re-Focus, this means he works away from the main school building, in smaller numbers with more 1/1 help, it will apparently give them more time to observe him whilst he's there. I think there are some plus points to this but it's only for two weeks and then they will pop him back into routine stuff again. To be honest I'm not sure what to make of it but i guess we just have to go along with it for the time being until something else appears to be an option. Said boy, one of is at his school so at least for this week and two others he won't be around quite so much. It's truly exhausting dealing with this stuff and in the mean time 'friend' from this morning has her issues so frequently walks out at home and arrives on our door step. Kids these days do seem to have far more 'stuff' going on than we did at their age.
That's it for now, i may update before next Monday, time permitting....
Wednesday, 31 January 2018
To fight the good fight
Good morning,
Well sitting here in his half light with the grey damp skies I'm not sure how good it is but time will tell. Anyone who's been here before knows that i used to blog on a regular basis but like many things over time the quiet (lack of comments, visitors) makes you wonder if you're simply talking to yourself. So you may wonder why i have started a new blog, well i thought it seemed like a project for me and it allows me to share my thoughts on things that you may or may not be aware of which may or may not be interesting from a distance or close up if you know what i mean.
So for those that don't know me i am in my late forties, married with one child and four step children. Our son is 12 and has been going through a fustrating time at home and school, school being the biggest issue out of the two. I only work very part time although i love to be creative and would love the opportunity to put that interest to a more productive use, seems silly that i write, poetry and short stories, crochet, knit, make cards you name it really but don't even enjoy much time doing those things lately due to other stuff going on and sometimes think i would love to share that interest with others, all in good time she says optimistically.
So back to our son. For those with kids do you remember that day when you had to take your child to school was it emotional for you? I remember being heartbroken for weeks and weeks knowing that time was coming and thinking what on earth am i going to do, my life since you were born has been all about you and now i won't have that and i have to trust that those I'm leaving you with (even on a part time basis) will look out for you in the same way i have, yeah right, i was right to be concerned after all, no one will look after your child like you will.
So now in High School and after almost two schools worth of 'stuff' we are looking to have our son assessed for ADHD. For some time now i have wondered if this was at the bottom of all the problems he was having at school but for some reason it seemed that that solution, from schools point of view was to just keep looking at the issues rather than looking for why and then dealing with it. Lack of focus, fidgeting, personal space, talking alot, inappropriate use of words/language, 'fights' etc were all problems we dealt with during his time at primary school. Dealing with it involved constant phone calls home to me to tell me what he had done and what i was going to do about it or in their case do about it. As a mum this makes you feel like you must be doing something wrong, why is he doing this, why doesn't he realise he shouldn't do that, why won't he listen, do as he's told, get on with his work.................
In some instances he was doing well, reading, writing, good use of his imagination and words, loved to dance, popular but over time things changed. On starting High School we were informed he had the reading age of an 8yr old. I had messaged several people at school to point out the fact that our son would choose books that i could tell just from looking at them he wouldn't read, large books with subject matter that he was attracted to, vampires, zombies, that type of thing. I suggested that someone help him choose books that he could pick up and read that were shorter and easier to get through but I'm not sure anyone took any notice. If he doesn't focus well then reading is a no no, even i have to find a quiet space and hope my mind will quiet so i can focus, how is he supposed to do that in school. He is struggling with more lessons than i can keep up with, if it's not the lesson it's the teachers or other children. This week has been a prime example of how difficult it is, he's been away from school for over a week poorly and still there is friction with other children who find our son an 'easy' target for drama. Thankfully our son lacks no confidence when sticking up for himself but every day i worry encase something happens and so am constantly emailing school to express my concerns.
On the plus side we now have someone 'helping' us by way of the assistant Senco who recently took over our 'case'. She is communicating on a regular basis and has put things in place to help him with his day at school. He has a card that allows him to excuse himself if he starts getting fustrated, she has emailed his teachers with 'stratergies' for assisting him (i don't know what they are) they are taking him horse riding once a week now which i think will be good for him as he spent some time working with horses a few years ago and maybe it will help. These are only small things and I'm sure there are things that will help more but these tip bits are encouraging when you've been working with detentions, red room and IIU and exclusions at his previous school.
It's hard work being a parent, keeping a watch out for problems, trying to discuss situations that arise at school for the umpteenth time, listening to blow by blow accounts of i did this and they did that and and and
I feel like i need to explain to others why stuff happens, why our son says and does as he does but until someone actually confirms that ADHD is the reason you don't plus as we have discussed recently some of what happens is a 'choice' as is the norm with children i get the benefit of more language use and behavioural stuff than my husband so it's not all about 'i can't help it' so then you wonder if you're barking up completely the wrong tree.
So that's where we're at, fighting the good fight and hoping for a positive outcome, one that means our son leaves school equipped for life and jobs and all that comes with being a 'grown up'.
Have a good day :)
Well sitting here in his half light with the grey damp skies I'm not sure how good it is but time will tell. Anyone who's been here before knows that i used to blog on a regular basis but like many things over time the quiet (lack of comments, visitors) makes you wonder if you're simply talking to yourself. So you may wonder why i have started a new blog, well i thought it seemed like a project for me and it allows me to share my thoughts on things that you may or may not be aware of which may or may not be interesting from a distance or close up if you know what i mean.
So for those that don't know me i am in my late forties, married with one child and four step children. Our son is 12 and has been going through a fustrating time at home and school, school being the biggest issue out of the two. I only work very part time although i love to be creative and would love the opportunity to put that interest to a more productive use, seems silly that i write, poetry and short stories, crochet, knit, make cards you name it really but don't even enjoy much time doing those things lately due to other stuff going on and sometimes think i would love to share that interest with others, all in good time she says optimistically.
So back to our son. For those with kids do you remember that day when you had to take your child to school was it emotional for you? I remember being heartbroken for weeks and weeks knowing that time was coming and thinking what on earth am i going to do, my life since you were born has been all about you and now i won't have that and i have to trust that those I'm leaving you with (even on a part time basis) will look out for you in the same way i have, yeah right, i was right to be concerned after all, no one will look after your child like you will.
So now in High School and after almost two schools worth of 'stuff' we are looking to have our son assessed for ADHD. For some time now i have wondered if this was at the bottom of all the problems he was having at school but for some reason it seemed that that solution, from schools point of view was to just keep looking at the issues rather than looking for why and then dealing with it. Lack of focus, fidgeting, personal space, talking alot, inappropriate use of words/language, 'fights' etc were all problems we dealt with during his time at primary school. Dealing with it involved constant phone calls home to me to tell me what he had done and what i was going to do about it or in their case do about it. As a mum this makes you feel like you must be doing something wrong, why is he doing this, why doesn't he realise he shouldn't do that, why won't he listen, do as he's told, get on with his work.................
In some instances he was doing well, reading, writing, good use of his imagination and words, loved to dance, popular but over time things changed. On starting High School we were informed he had the reading age of an 8yr old. I had messaged several people at school to point out the fact that our son would choose books that i could tell just from looking at them he wouldn't read, large books with subject matter that he was attracted to, vampires, zombies, that type of thing. I suggested that someone help him choose books that he could pick up and read that were shorter and easier to get through but I'm not sure anyone took any notice. If he doesn't focus well then reading is a no no, even i have to find a quiet space and hope my mind will quiet so i can focus, how is he supposed to do that in school. He is struggling with more lessons than i can keep up with, if it's not the lesson it's the teachers or other children. This week has been a prime example of how difficult it is, he's been away from school for over a week poorly and still there is friction with other children who find our son an 'easy' target for drama. Thankfully our son lacks no confidence when sticking up for himself but every day i worry encase something happens and so am constantly emailing school to express my concerns.
On the plus side we now have someone 'helping' us by way of the assistant Senco who recently took over our 'case'. She is communicating on a regular basis and has put things in place to help him with his day at school. He has a card that allows him to excuse himself if he starts getting fustrated, she has emailed his teachers with 'stratergies' for assisting him (i don't know what they are) they are taking him horse riding once a week now which i think will be good for him as he spent some time working with horses a few years ago and maybe it will help. These are only small things and I'm sure there are things that will help more but these tip bits are encouraging when you've been working with detentions, red room and IIU and exclusions at his previous school.
It's hard work being a parent, keeping a watch out for problems, trying to discuss situations that arise at school for the umpteenth time, listening to blow by blow accounts of i did this and they did that and and and
I feel like i need to explain to others why stuff happens, why our son says and does as he does but until someone actually confirms that ADHD is the reason you don't plus as we have discussed recently some of what happens is a 'choice' as is the norm with children i get the benefit of more language use and behavioural stuff than my husband so it's not all about 'i can't help it' so then you wonder if you're barking up completely the wrong tree.
So that's where we're at, fighting the good fight and hoping for a positive outcome, one that means our son leaves school equipped for life and jobs and all that comes with being a 'grown up'.
Have a good day :)
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